Lots of things happened this year. Even though we are only half way done with the year, events that have happened so far have been more life changing than my entire life time.
I tend to stay away from my diary when hardship hits because I want to forget the pain. Unfortunately, the more I’m tying to forget it by not writing it down, the more it circles in my head. On the other hand, due to the overflowing negativity in my head, I often overlook many thankful things and the moral lessons that I learned during this hardship.
It took me months to picked up my scattered emotions. Looking back at these past events that happened after I have calmed down, I realized that literally, everything that I had wished for came true but ‘wishes come true’ also come with shocking twists.
A wish for an advancement
My first big-girl job has been very challenging and I have been learning new things as I work. Starting from the base and building up, I feel that I have gotten a lot more knowledgeable in my career. Having this extraordinary opportunity to take on many projects was flattering; at the same time, my responsibility had staggeringly swelled to an colossal portion. Sometimes I felt lost and hopeless as I was pulled into many different directions.
Like a rubber band being stretched in so many different directions, I started to lose my grip everywhere else each time as a new direction emerged.
In addition to being lost, my stagnant income level was still barely making ends meet, all together making my life really difficult.
A head-hunter recruited me about an opening that I could not resist. After my initial application was turned down, he recruited with me again about another opportunity with the same company. I worked closely with him for months, starting from September 2015 until I was finally presented with an offer just a day before Christmas. I agreed to start working in January of 2016. It was like a dream come true. Not only did I find a job with a more specific line of duties that helped me to focus, it also gave me a good income where I can consider to live in a better condition.
A wish for continuing a committed relationship
At the time, Hector and I was past our 3-year-mark and going on to the 4th. He had been a nice emotional and physical support that cherished my happiest moments and comfort my hopeless moments. I felt that I was more than ready for a marriage since I knew that he was the love of my life. After moving away from my immediate family for almost a decade, I hope to start a family of my own.
Having a reason to go home in addition to sleep has always been a dream of mine. Just of thought of – there is someone at home who needs me- makes me feel joyful beyond words. I know most of people would think I’m crazy, but it’s something that many people take for granted.
During Valentine’s Day in 2016, Hector took me to the Atlanta zoo for the day. As we held hands and strolled in the zoo, we noticed the animals were cuddling with each other to stay warm. My photography passion ignited and I let go of his hand and picked up my camera and went to work, leaving Hector a little left out. Later that evening, we battled Atlanta traffic and went to Fogo De Chau to have dinner. While Hector was stuck in traffic, I hopped off the car and walked to the restaurant and managed to hold a table for us. As we enjoyed the feast, Hector looked at me as he slowly reached into his pocket.
Looking at the busy restaurant, I started to get real nervous and implored him not to pull out the ring he had hidden on him. I stopped eating and enjoying the food, but he gently giggled as he put the item away. “I’m not going to do it right now, so don’t worry about it.”
After the dinner, we went for a walk at a dark and chilly Piedmont Park, where we watched the city night view and snuggle in the cold. As we walked to a dark and quiet area, where the city light was seen best, he finally popped the question. For that moment, I felt that I was the happiest woman on the world.
Having a home and not a house
Starting college and until last year, I have been living in toxic condition, both physically and mentally. I had abusive roommates with substance and personal problem; landlords who don’t fix things but somehow feel justified to increase rent to adjust to inflation; properties with health concerns involving roach or rodent infestation. Paying for my living entirely and feeling obligated to not to ask financial help from my family, I have had a frugal life and many times lived in deplorable conditions.
Because of the intolerable conditions, I moved many times since I came to the U.S. The more I’m on the move, the more I feel like I don’t belong anywhere.
Dumpster dive, thrift store, and hand-me-downs was my main source of furniture. My lifestyle and my way of living saved me a tremendous amount of money, but at the same time my dignity has slowly been chiseling away.
A home to take pride in
With a new job and a boost of income, I was able to finally think for the future. In addition, being engaged with Hector, both of us combined with even greater power, and together we become more available for bigger opportunities – becoming a homeowner . Just the thought of that almost made me feel that I was being unrealistic; but in fact, the chances of that happening was solid and was a great possibility. A friend of mine was an experienced realtor, she put a lot of effort to help us to find our dream home.
All of my wish came true, but it wasn’t long before things started to fell apart.
The second part of this blog, I will tell you the twist that turned everything around –
Foxsilong Studio 