The Key to Life

*written on 3/16/2012*

Many people ask me, “don’t you feel lonely being so far away from most of your family and support?”

“Definitely!” I always say it without a second thought.

It’s been three years since I first stepped into Augusta State University as a student. It’s been three years since I started living by myself. Oh boy, I can tell you, sometimes I feel lonely as hell.

I participated in many organizations, and spent every single moment of my life at school with people as much as I can. The reason for doing this is because I know there is nobody at home, which means nobody will sit by me watching TV; nobody will help me clean my room or do my laundry; nobody will cook or eat with me, and etc. Well, you can say that I’m not always “by myself.” I had a few good roommates, but I had bad experience with most of them were either out, drinking/ smoking, or hanging out with friends with benefits.
Yes, I had been in relationships. However, that didn’t do a whole lot in helping my loneliness, but created more pain. My first relationship was a Disaster. The second/ last relationship I had was a long one. We did date for about two years, but hum, what I meant wasn’t time but distance.
Starting childhood, I grew up going outside and trying to not go home because I thought I was independent. A lot of people, probably you, have this ambition (or ignorance) I had when I was younger. I left my mother to a country 6,000 miles away. At that time I didn’t understand what it takes to be lonely because I was still living with my aunt. Now, I am by myself, and Now, I understand what it means to be lonely.
I told myself, this is the beauty of solitude. It is the power to control your own life, make your own decisions. However, with the increase of power, responsibility increased as well. I do have friends; friends that I have been friends with for years. You, and almost everyone, have at least one friend. However, when it comes down to home, when it comes down to paying for car insurance, rent, and food, when it comes down to giving advice and support, when it comes down to living a life, family is the one for you. I am still lucky to have some financial support and emotional support. However, what I don’t have is the physical presence of a family. A few times in a month I would find myself crying in the bed all by myself. Although I’m 20 now, I still cry when I think about family.
You or I could be the wealthiest and most independent person on the world; nonetheless, we still need a family.
Many of you complain about family, I do too. But just once every few times, sit down and talk to your parents or any family member about how much you thank and love them, give them a hug too. Family will always give you power to pick yourself up from the ground and mud.